Four Rules for Cultivating Resilience When Facing Life’s Challenges
Building resilience — that ability to ‘bounce back’ after adversity, trauma, tragedy, change, or failure —has become a critical component to living a long, healthy, and productive life. As we all cope with the uncertainty of living during a global pandemic, this trait of resilience is going to separate those of us that emerge on the other side intact and those who succumb to its associated challenges. So how do we cultivate resilience?
Numerous studies have shown that children need to be taught how to be resilient at a very young age so that they can develop into thriving, well-adapted individuals. None of us chooses to go through trial and hardship. But life happens, and we either get knocked down and stay there or get back up. When the going gets tough the tough get going, right? According to Pastor Rick Warren in his recent study series, Daring Faith, “Nobody goes through life with an unbroken chain of successes. Everybody has failures and mistakes. We all embarrass ourselves. We all have pain. We all have problems. We all have pressures. The people who make it in life have resilience.” I immediately think of Diana Nyad.
I have only recently heard about Diana. She is the long-distance swimmer who set the record for swimming from Cuba to Florida without a shark cage back in 2013 when she was 64. She swam nearly 53 continuous hours in the ocean, surviving the treacherous waters of the Florida Straits, a notorious stretch of water teeming with sharks, jellyfish, storms, and an unpredictable Gulf Stream. The magnitude of her achievement is undeniable. But what really got my attention when I heard this story, was that this was her FIFTH attempt at setting this record. She first tried when she was 28 years old back in 1979! On her 4th attempt, she almost died from Jellyfish venom. At 64 years old she finally accomplished her life-long dream, when many of us are thinking about retirement. What made Ms. Nyad so tenacious, so persevering, so resilient to failure, to adversity, to misfortune?
Resilience is…..
Moving forward when the going gets tough.
I was so intrigued, I listened to a couple of her Ted Talks (she is now an author and motivational speaker) which are truly inspiring. Four things stood out to me related to cultivating resilience. 1) She learned from her mistakes. After each failed attempt, she improvised, learning what to adjust, which expert to consult and what new protective protocol to implement. 2) She kept herself motivated and positive. To keep herself focused and upbeat during the dark lonely hours of her swim, she sang John Lennon’s “Imagine” over and over and over again. She jokingly admits to “having a playlist of songs” at the ready to sing in her head. 3) She had a single-minded goal to set this record and she believed her dream was achievable. Her motto as she trained for the feat was “find a way”. She saw her dream coming to fruition in her mind’s eye. As she swam, she thought only of reaching the Florida horizon, that was her fulcrum, her grounding point. She did not agonize over how many hours she had left or what could go wrong. She sung and she swam. 4) She did not go it alone. She frankly shares about her ‘ride or die’ friend Bonnie who was right there in the boat alongside her, encouraging and supporting her, along with a team of experts who were there for her protection and safety. She acknowledges that even though she was the one swimming, it would have been impossible without her team.
Diana Nyad’s feat makes it crystal clear to me that resilience is about not giving up, no matter what. We will all fail at something. Life will throw us curveballs. We may be forced to contend with a natural disaster, like the recent explosion in Lebanon, that wreaked havoc on homes, businesses, and lives. Tragedy or illness may come upon us or our loved ones especially in this season of COVID. We may lose our cherished job in this flailing economy we’re experiencing. We all must endure living with a global pandemic without the certainty of what the future may look like and how our lives may drastically change. Daunting isn’t it?
So how do you stay resilient, after a storm? You find a way, like Dyan did and learn from her experience. You consider:
What can I learn from this disaster? What is the life lesson here for me to grow from?
How can I keep myself and those around me positive and motivated to keep going, even when I am exhausted, feeling hopeless and I cannot see my way through the aftermath of this storm? How can I remind myself that “this too shall pass”, that I have endured the worst of it and I am alive?
How do I stay focused on my dreams and goals even during this adversity? What is my fulcrum? My true North? What do I believe to be true about myself, about God, about humanity?
How do I let the fact that I am not alone, strengthen me? How do I draw support from the millions of people going through this very same challenge? How do I stay encouraged and be an encourager to others?
I have faced more than my fair share of storms in the past few years, from seeing my career aspirations come crashing down to chronic illness. I have often wondered just how I was supposed to find a way amid seemingly incredible odds against me. And yet, I’m here, still in the game, with new dreams and a reinforced inner strength. I had to find a way. And that way was excavated out of the rubble of my trials through trust—trust in myself, in God and in humanity. I had to trust and let go of the reins so God could take over. I had to submit, in humility to the grace of my God. And therein lay the gift of resilience. “The sturdiest tree is not found in the shelter of the forest but high upon some rocky crag, where its daily battle with the elements shapes it into a thing of beauty.”
As a good friend once shared with me, “Resilience is the other side of the coin to humility. Humility keeps you grounded. Resilience helps you fly.” With resilience my friends, you can fly, you can swim over 100 miles, you can soar to greater heights than you can ever imagine!
Natalie Jobity, founder of The Unveiled Way, is a clarity coach and branding strategist who helps purpose-driven women, longing to make an impact in others’ lives, intentionally cultivate the clarity, strategy, & mastery needed to fulfill their vision. Visit her website at www.theunveiledway.coach to learn more about how she can help you abound in your brilliance.